So, it’s been a while since my last entry because to be honest, I’ve been so busy! I’ve had a bad few weeks, I’ve been away over new year, I’ve had all sorts happen really and now that I’m finally back home and settled, I’ve had about a million medical appointments already.
My latest appointment was a PIP assessment, where you go a sit in a room with a stranger and they ask you lots of extremely personal questions. Yeah, it was great.
To be honest it was more or less the same questions I had to answer on the form, but its so much easier to write embarrassing stuff on a computer then send it to some faceless staff member than it is to have to say those things out loud to someone you’ve never met before.
Thankfully I had my wonderful friend with me who helped me and was able to answer some questions for me as I simply couldn’t. We had such a long wait period before hand too, they were running almost an hour behind schedule! Of course I spent all of that time getting more and more worked up so by the time I was called in, I was literally ready to collapse. I almost fell asleep in the waiting room I was so exhausted, it was a good job I had my friend with me so I could lean on her rather than fall on the floor.
So the lady who was speaking with me seemed nice enough, though I still don’t know what she looks like as I couldn’t look her in the face, I just stared at the ground and tried not to vomit. As I said she asked me questions and then she had me do a few movements with my body. She had me lift my legs a little and lean forward, i had to raise my arms and squeeze her fingers, but she said I only had to do what I thought was able, nothing more, so it wasn’t too bad. for the last movement she asked me to lie down on the bed and get back up but I refused, I don’t like lying down in front of strangers, it makes me feel vulnerable, but she said that was fine so I didn’t have to worry.
I won’t sugar coat it, the whole thing feels pretty nasty, but at least it’s over for me now, right? I was able to go home, pretty proud of myself for sticking it out and not fainting, I got into my pyjamas, I snuggled down in my bed and even though it was only 7pm, I went to sleep.
They said it will take up to two months for them to get back to me with a result which is fun as it means a lot of waiting, but between then and now I have plenty to be getting on with! I have plenty of other upcoming appointments to focus on, I tend to only focus on one week at time otherwise I get stressy! I make sure to do things that I enjoy too, like writing or drawing, I enjoy music too and games so I try to balance myself and do at least one of these things each day to make me feel better or calm down.
If you have a PIP assessment coming up I strongly suggest you take a friend or family member with you. Not only is it emotionally draining but if you struggle with mobility like me, it’s not fun trying to get about the place with everyone watching you and whatever. I also suggest making sure the rest of your day is free so you can rest and calm yourself down. if you have things you enjoy doing like watching films or playing games or cuddling a pet or drawing or anything, try and do that after, it’ll help relax you and take your mind off the appointment. Try not to dwell on it, I know you’re bound to overthink what you said and did and all that but just try and put it to one side and enjoy doing something you love!
And I suppose that’s the key to a lot of the problems we all face with the physical and mental health issues we may have. Sometimes there isn’t a lot we can do about it, we can’t change the system that makes us wait for months for an appointment and we can’t always change the issues with our bodies, but we can choose to, rather than spend our time worrying and fretting, spend our time doing the things we love the most, with the people we love the most.
Sometimes that’s all we can do while we wait for the appointments and results we need. So find something you love doing and do as much as you possibly can!